So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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