there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
