return my video game
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
