Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
