yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize