For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
