please come you make the beer taste better
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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