the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
