new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
