youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
