You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize