it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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