OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
