I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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