Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
