32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
