They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
