so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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