I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
