we have officially lost it.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
