Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
