you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
