I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
