When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
