Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
it hurts more in the daytime
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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