i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize