Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
