That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
