Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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