I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I fill condoms, not promises.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
