I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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