There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
