Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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