The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
