True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
