The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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