She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize