The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
