I feel like I'm in dance class right now
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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