I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
