its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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