What a fucking waste of an outfit
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
