I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize