Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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