I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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