I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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