people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
