if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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