dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
