i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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