i wish starbucks made bloody marys
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Found your dick twin last night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize