Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
