I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i will never coherently bang her
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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