I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My room smells like vodka and shame
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
They have beer where we have blood.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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