I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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