I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
