Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
