He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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