I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
