There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize