So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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