May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
