i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
