she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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