I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
