I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
