i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
smell my finger.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
