Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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