just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
