I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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