So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
