i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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