Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
