seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
