I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
