nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
