I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
