I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
