Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Help. Why am I so naked?
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