I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
