i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Randomize
