Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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