ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
