Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
