Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
