I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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