Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
