mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
