girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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