You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Soap is not a condiment
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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