I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
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