This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
