If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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