Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
