So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
