I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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