You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
