6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
