There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
