i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
