Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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