I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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