if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
