if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
