Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
