you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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